its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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