I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
