My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
