Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
