Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
