as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
