Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
