you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
