I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
