The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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