um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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