It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
