It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
