No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
