I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize