He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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