Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
