Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
