I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
