If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
