I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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