I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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