Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
