Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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