so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
