Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize