dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
