Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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