Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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