the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
