he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
