there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize