I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
