I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
