And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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