you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
