I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
high people should be assigned attendants
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
