this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
