YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
