Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
