you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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