I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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