I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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