Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
