This is not my ceiling
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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