Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
