So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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