if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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