you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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