I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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