I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In other news, I just burned my penis
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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