Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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