Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
