I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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