Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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