I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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