i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
