I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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