The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
