All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
