He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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