where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
