Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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