I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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