everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They have beer where we have blood.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
