don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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